I gave myself a little break over the last few days. I was experimenting with the content of this post and I’ve spotted a little feature of my stutter. A feature that I think I share with other stutterers and that I believe could potentially be exploited to my and your advantage.
I’ve paid a close attention to my speech and I’ve found that I stutter a lot more when I do not feel that what what I have to say is needed. For example, I will stutter a lot more when working in a group and suggesting something that I am not sure will be of any use. I guess it all comes down to confidence. But there is an element of certainty and acceptance in it also. The ideal situation is to feel that everything I say is valid and crucial to the purpose of me sharing it. It’s all about self-validation.
If you think about your stutter I bet you stutter a lot less when talking for socializing purposes, and not working as part of a team to achieve a certain goal. There are many obvious reasons for this such as being more relaxed and less under pressure when socializing. However I think another reason could be because, when socializing, the purpose of everything you say is to create some sort of connection with the people around you, and not trying to express some sort of complicated idea that may or may not be rejected. Therefore validation of what you are saying is instant when chilling out with some friends as you already have a connection. When speaking to someone you have just met, you stutter a lot more. This fits in with my theory as you are in fact searching for validation and you do not feel any of it until the person you are interacting with hears what you are saying and responds to it.
So that’s a pattern that I have spotted. It really relates to the stutter indirectly as when we feel validated, we are more confident. However using “confidence” to control your stutter is very difficult as if you are not confident, it is hard to become confident on the spot. Becoming validated on the spot is also difficult however I think its a lot easier. You need only to feel that you have a right to say what you want.
There is a little more to it. This blog has really inspired me to try and use my time to help others around me. I feel like it will lead to a more satisfying and fulfilled life. The last few days, I have actively been trying to help someone with every single thing I do. Helping was always on my mind. I noticed that because of this my stutter became a lot better. I believe that this is because during the last few days, the purpose of my life was to help others and I felt that every single thing I did was just part of the big project of helping. I ate so that I could help later. I slept so that I could help tomorrow. All of a sudden there was validation in everything I did. It was all part of the plan that was unveiling itself before me.
The further validation came from the fact that I happen to be a Christian. Christianity teaches us to live our life after the plan that God has planned out for us. This plan may not be the easiest or the most comfortable, but it guarantees everyone who follows it happiness and a place in heaven. Conveniently I have always believed in serving God by example. If you can inspire someone to live their life the way you do, then you have effectively made them a non-believer who follows Jesus’s teachings. And if someone follows those teachings, then sooner or later they will get to know God and become saved. That’s just a non-intrusive way I have always tried to use, to inspire by example instead of debates and annoying advertisements. Anyway, believing that I am living my life the way I am supposed to, is the best source of validation I have so far found. Not to mention that it is correct, as a Christian, that is exactly how you are supposed to feel.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not telling anyone to convert here. If you are of a different religion or simply atheist, I respect that. My advice here is to look for validation and while Christianity is one firm way of achieving validation, there are many others equally as valid.
Of course that’s just my take on things. Feel free to contribute through comments.
Have A Nice Day!